Friday, 08 February 2008

• Currently Listening Land of Confusion By Disturbed Land Of Confusion see related

  Why You Had To Go...

  *Substitutions have been made for names to protect the identities of the innocent and guilty parties.

   

   

   

  It's so simple to get lost in the games of the world, the minor things that, in that one moment, seem so big, so important. It's so easy to froget that there's someone who loves you so much that they'd die for you if you asked, that they'd sacrifice their own happiness for your wellbeing...

  The kind of all-consuming love that can't just die because you say 'Let's just be friends' or 'I don't want to hurt you so I'm leaving you.'

  YOU DUMBASS! It's the leaving that hurts!

  Especially when I knew about your 'dirty little secret' (the other woman, of course, for those of you new to this drama) for nearly a year, and did what I thought a lady should and didn't confront her, didn't cry or rage or demand that you be solely with me. A lady doesn't confront a whore. And I'm just Southern enough to believe in being a lady, much to my regret.

  What hurts more is I found out about her on my fuckin' birthday. You were all 'Let's have the birthday spanking' and too stupid to see that I was shattering inside.

  What happened to truth and fidelity? What happened to making the people you say you love feel like they have all of your attention, your affection? Making the woman you say you love feel like she can accomplish anything, that she's your everything and all?

  Yeah. Whoops. Forgot, that's what romance novels are for, riiiight?

  And that I couldn't enjoy a blind date that I'd been set up on because I still love you so much that it hurts to try to be 'just' a friend and that enjoying myself around another guy felt like a horrible betrayal to you.

  Bet you never felt that when you fucked Miss January* (and you know exactly who I'm talking about, don't you?)... I still can't believe that a sixteen-year-old seduced a twenty-one-year-old who claimed to be man enough to control his responses to women. You weren't drunk, because you don't drink. You weren't stoned, because you don't do drugs.

  So, in reality, you had no excuse for sleeping with her. But, what did I do when I found out about it because she was woman enough to say, "He told me he was single and I went for it. I'm sorry."? I forgave your sorry ass.

  What did I do when you practically moved another woman into your home, claiming you were 'just friends' when you refused to help me when I needed you? I forgave you and dealt with things on my own.

  I'm fuckin' glad you're gone and if you fuckin' die, your problem, not mine. You want to say good-byes because I told you that I can't be 'just' a friend? Fuck you. Go to Dream* or whomever it is that comforts you because I'm going to take control of my life and do my damnedest to move on.

  I refuse to be the kind of weak-willed woman my mother is and not be able to move on after I get left. All you really did, Apple*, was teach me that men are exactly what I've always viewed them as:

  Hopeless creatures to the physical attraction of a woman without bothering to look at someone who's not physically attractive, but may have a lot more substance than one of the Beautiful People.

  I just wish that, even now, I could hate you. But, I'm too much of a lady to hate you, or to say any of this to your face.

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